Quiero Ir A Casa

Quiero ir a casa.
I love Christmas
But the things
That make it great
Are gone this year.
I thought I had to stop
Thinking of Peru
As home.
I thought that now
This place was home.
I was so wrong.
I love
That there might be snow.
I love
That it's a crisp cold.
I love
That it's different.
And I thank God
For what he has given me
And how he's blessed me.
But if I got a chance
To go home
I would gladly
Give all that up.
Quiero andar en combi.
Quiero comer la comida.
Quiero ir a la playa.
Quiero hablar español.
Quiero ver a mis amigos.
Quiero pasar tiempo
Con mi familia.

Quiero ir a casa.

Tonight I'm Crying

It's been so long
Since I've cried like this.
There's just one thing
I want right now
More than anything else.
It's too bad it's the closest thing
To impossible right now.
It's been a while
Since I've really cried
And now crying doesn't help
Because I'm not in your arms.

I have not cried
In so very long.
It must be because of
Something important.

I started crying
When I got off the phone
With my mom thinking,
"I just want to go
Home."

"Is it your birthday?" Yes, yes it is.

So, I just wrote this entire post and was wrapping it up when I accidentally deleted it. I don't even know how I did but maybe that's a sign that I need to shorten it :P Since I don't feel like writing the whole thing out again, I'll do just that.
In the past, the day of my birthday has always been pretty sucky. It's never anyone's fault, unless you count the Peruvian calendar, because my birthday was always on a holiday. Some people say, "Wow, you didn't have to go to school on your birthday? You're so lucky." And in my head I'd say, "Wow, you get to see your friends on your birthday? You're so lucky." When I first wrote about this (before it was deleted), I went a little into detail about my last four birthdays and just how much they've sucked. But I'm realizing that the reason why they were kinda awful isn't all that important. They just did and I didn't know what to expect this year. What I got though was so great. Getting told "Happy Birthday!" face-to-face and getting sung to everywhere you go, sometimes even by people you don't know, makes such a big difference. And my friends here made my day so special. I'm so glad for them and for the weather too. It had rained two days in a row but the sun came out and it didn't feel so much like winter anymore on my birthday. That was so awesome. My birthday also fell on reading day which meant no classes and Christmas Convo. I could do whatever I wanted, really. And  yes, there were some people who I consider good friends who apparently forgot my birthday or didn't get on Facebook, but though that was a bummer, the only thing I can complain about was not seeing my family. This was my first birthday away from home. They don't know this, but when my parents sang to me over the phone, I cried. But God has greatly blessed me with an awesome family here. This was truly the best birthday ever. I'll admit it could have been better, like if I'd gotten a call from Jeffery Dallas or something like that, but compared to past birthdays, it was more than I could have asked for. Thank you, Lord.

Dear Hannah

Dear Hannah,
The hardest part for me
Is not the episodes
We didn't watch.
It's not the dances
We did not dance.
It's not the pictures
We did not take.
It's not the memories
We did not make.
And it's not the songs
We did not sing.
It's not the sleepless nights
Thinking of all we planned.
It's not the pictures, the thoughts
The memories on your wall.
It's not the tears
That seem to have no end.
Nor is it the empty room,
The empty bed, the empty chair
At the dinner table.
It's the empty place
You left in my heart.
The hardest part for me
Is the times I forget
And think that you're still
Here.
I'll want to tell you,
Want to show you,
Share something with you.
But then reality comes
Like a speeding train
And I'm faced with the truth
That you are gone.
I'm sorry I didn't get a chance
To say goodbye.
Love,
A life you touched

"How He Loves"

"Oh, how He loces us so."
Lord, we don't even know
But we fear the worst.
Our hearts cry out
But not with joy.
Our voices can be heard
But not because we're happy.
Why? Why dear God?
Why has this happened?
How could you let this happen!?
And in the midst
Of my anger, confusion,
Pain, and sorrow,
These words still echo
In my head:
"Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us."

Fulfilling My New Year's Resolution . . . 11 Months Late

In January I wrote that I'd forgotten I had a blog and it wasn't until someone mentioned it that I remembered. Well, that happened again. This time, though, I intend to keep up with it. I feel like it's really important now since I'm not living in close proximity to the people I want to share my life with anymore. That's kind of a bummer, but I guess it's all the more reason to write on here. So, here's to fulfilling my new year's resolution 11 months later. Just in time to make a new one, right? And is that what you do with a resolution, fulfill it? I don't even know but that's the only thing I could think of that makes sense. Don't ask what else my mind came up with.
I think the reason I have failed to keep up with my blog is because I was the only one motivating myself to do it. So if you see that I haven't posted anything in a while and you want to know more about my life, send me a facebook message, e-mail, or even a note in a paper airplane. Whatever works for you.
Oh, and to go along with what I guess could be called the re-opening of my blog, I updated it and changed the formatting and all that fun stuff. Well, I changed it a little. But you know me, I'm a traditionalist.

Plugged In

High School retreat was this past weekend. We went to a resort in Lunahuana and it was the first time we didn't go to Kawai. When hearing that we weren't going to the beach I was really disappointed. I haven't been on any retreats to the beach this year which is a total bummer and, ever since moving to Peru, I've gone to Kawai at least once every year and it's looking like that won't be the case this year, my last year in Peru. At Lunahuana, there were so many bugs. My legs are really itchy right now and I hate it. Another thing is that I couldn't go swimming until the last day. The thirty minutes I spent in the pool on the second to last day doesn't count because I was cold, uncomfortable, and thirty minutes is not very long for me. I've spent hours in pools before. But you know what? This retreat was amazing. And it was a combination of a lot of things that made it so great.

First was all the senior time we had. We got a bus to ourselves on the way there and on the way back. It was fun to just talk and enjoy each other's company. Then when a lot of the group went white water rafting, all the seniors except Lydia and Peter stayed and got in the pool together. Having Priscilla's waterproof camera to capture our adventures down the slide was perfect. I love our High School group, but it was good for us to have a little bit of time together as a class here and there.

The location was beautiful. The rooms were really nice, it had a grassy area, an awesome pool, and really good food. There were mountains almost all around and we were right by the river. I think one of my favorite nature sounds after rain and the ocean is the sound of a rushing river. And the place was big, but small at the same time. We were all in the same area and if we wanted to go and do something, it was right there. Yeah, we didn't have a giant area where we could play capture the flag, but we didn't have to worry about people not knowing it was time for a meal, or one of the sessions. And we didn't have to worry about going off and having three people in a group and stuff like that. We were all together when we did stuff, no matter if we were in the pool, playing dutch blitz, or throwing around a football.

The pool was awesome. It could get a little crowded if we were all in there, but it was great. Especially since it was so hot. I never went down the slide in a big group, and maybe that was a good thing considering everyone else's bruises and scrapes, but it was so much fun. And watching people throw each other in was hilarious. Once one person got thrown in, people would get out to throw others in and get thrown in. And teachers joined in too. They also wrestled with us and each other on the grass. I'm a little embarrassed to say that I didn't stand a chance against Miss Murrell, but it was still totally worth it because later Mr. Herring did the same thing to her and Miss McKinney.

Airband was THE best ever. In the four years I've gone on High School retreat, this was the one where the most people got into it and we had the funniest performances. Yes, some of them made you wonder what they did with their thirty minutes of prep time, but others were just amazing. Chad made a great Justin Beiber, Raul's Elvis was awesome, Josh's old lady was almost too believable, I don't know if I really wanted to see Levi, Michael, or Felix take off their shirts though. Other than knowing all the words, my Fresh Prince was awful. I enjoyed it, but that is the only time anyone will ever see me trying to be gangster.

The messages that Bruce shared with us were really good. The new perspectives on the story of the rich young man and the story of Jacob and Esau blew my mind. And I really liked how the last message was about how we do and keep doing what we were talking about. I feel like a lot of times we say we should do and be all these different things for Christ, but we don't say how to do them. Our small group times were awesome too.

But the major thing God showed me on this retreat didn't really have much to do with what we talked about in our large group and small group sessions. For weeks, God has been putting something on my heart, something that he wants me to do. And for the longest time I'd be determined to do it but then when the opportunity came, I wouldn't, and I'd go back to God telling him that I just couldn't do it, that it was too hard, that I didn't want to do it. It was an ongoing struggle and I think what kept me from doing it was mostly pride and me not wanting to go outside of my comfort zone. Up until the retreat it was between me and God. In Bible class, during my quiet time before and at retreat God was constantly prompting me to do this for him, but I never told anyone about it. Then someone came up to me and told me exactly what God had been putting on my heart. The thing is, this wasn't one of my peers who's opinion I respected, it was someone who I really had a hard time hearing this from. But it was good. It was another thing God was working on in my heart at the time, even though I hadn't realized it.

So I have six big bug bites but I know that others have way worse, I didn't get to enjoy the pool as much as I wanted to but I still had loads of fun when I wasn't in it, we didn't go to the beach but I probably would have gotten really sunburnt. Retreat was just great. I loved it. I'm glad that my last retreat was the best one I'd ever been on.

2011

God's been showing me some great things this month. I'm really excited to share them with the BLOOM girls, but I felt like sharing them on here too.

1. Flee Immorality

Psalm 104:34

"May my meditation be pleasing to Him;
I will rejoice in the LORD."

Psalm 19:14

"May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable to You,
LORD, my rock and my Redeemer."

We want to please God with all that we do. That includes what we watch, what we listen to, and who and what we talk about.

Philippians 4:8

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Take a look at all the things you do, the things you listen to, the things you watch, the things you say. Now ask yourself if those things are pure. If they are right. If they are admirable. If they are praiseworthy.

James 1:27

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Daniel 1:7

"But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way."

Don't be polluted. Make a commitment with Godto stay away from things that aren't edifying.

Ed Cole said "Basura que entra, basura que sale."

If you're exposing yourself to things that go against God's will for you, it's going to come out of you whether you want it to or not.

Luke 1:37

"For nothing is impossible with God."

If you ask God to help you take care of these things that aren't pleasing to him, he will. B transformed by the renewing of your mind. He'll do it. He doesn't want you to stay in that sin. But you have to make a commitment to do it. And you'll probably want to have something as a replacement. If it's a tv show that you always watch, determine to read the Bible during that time. If it's a song that's not pleasing to God, find praise music and put that on when you want to listen to the other music.

2. Finding Faults in Others

Matthew 7:3-5

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

Luke 6:41-42

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

Sometimes we don't realize it. We think that everyone else needs help but we don't stop to think about whether we do or not. And maybe we don't think we need what's being said at the moment, but if it's standing out there's a reason so we need to pay attention.

I've been doing this a lot recently. I'll be at church, or youth group, or Bible study and I'll think, "I hope so-and-so is listening to this. It's just what they need to hear to get their life back on track." Or I'll be thinking that it's a shame that that person isn't hearing the message. That thinking is so hypocritical! Yeah, maybe that other person is showing signs of not following God completely, but we can't put ourselves above them and say that we are.

And sometimes it's the other way around. We're the ones with the speck and they're the ones with the plank. But that doesn't mean we can ignore our sin and try to fix their's. Any sin separates us from God, no matter how small. We need to take care of ourselves first so we won't be hypocrites.

3. My Dear Brothers

I've been thinking about this for a while and it's something I shared with my Bible class, but I think it goes along with the other things.

We are still called to approach a brother or sister in Christ when they are doing something that goes against God.

The phrase "my dear brothers" shows up a couple of times in the New Testament. It's an example of how we should approach our brothers and sisters in Christ.

"My" shows belonging. It says, "I'm telling you this because I love you."

"Dear" says, "You are close to my heart. I don't want bad things to happen to you."

"Brothers" shows equality. It says, "I'm not above you. I am not judging you."

James 1:16 and 19

"Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers."

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,"

In this passage James is giving directions. Warn people about the traps of this world. Don't let them find out the hard way.

1 Corinthians 15:57-58

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

In this passage, Paul is encouraging the church in Corinth. Don't just help others in where they're failing, encourage them in the work that they are doing.

I realize this post is kinda long, but I'm excited about these things. I've always known them, but it's like they're just now becoming a reality for me and I felt like sharing them.

Ventanilla

Ventanilla.

I spent five days in Ventanilla with a group from a church in Texas. Every day I would leave my house at around six to get to the hotel at seven. We’d get back to the hotel at around six and I’d get home a little after 7:30. It’s hot in Ventanilla and the orphanage was sandy. I’d come home every day very dirty and very tired.

But it was all worth it.

I was put in a group with two girls and a different medical student every day. We’d start with the three to six year old boys, spend an hour with them and then spend an hour with the three to six year old girls. We definitely got more done with the girls. Those little boys were all wild and there were sixty of them. I ended the week with a deep respect for the house mom who has to spend all her time with them. The first two days it was a relief to finish with the boys and go to the quiet, obedient girls. But on Wednesday and Thursday, I spent the afternoon time with those boys, just playing with them. There were six or seven of them who would spend the whole two hours with me and some who would come and go. The rest all played by themselves, with someone else, or with Hannah, the other girl who went with me in the afternoons. They didn’t all flock to me and listen to me, but that was ok. I loved being with those boys. They would sit with me when I got tired and fight over my lap. When I proposed a game they would jump in whole-heartedly. I got there one afternoon to find that the makers Hannah had taken were all over the place. Most of them didn’t care, but the boys who were with me did their best to find all the markers when I asked them too.

I took lots of pictures that week, but very few of them are of the boys. I was too busy playing with them.

On Friday we had a big celebration at in the Chapel. As we were leaving, I felt like crying. Those boys made me yell to get their attention, run after them when they ran away, and go home every day ready for bed. But I love them. It breaks my heart to think that some of those sweet little boys are unwanted by their parents. And it made me sad that some of them had to be far away from their families because their parents need to work.

God did amazing things that week. So many kids from different age groups gave their lives to Christ. Every day that we went, there were just enough people to do everything that needed to be done. The team left Texas with less people than they wanted to and some of the translators went sporadically but every day God brought in people to fill for the ones who weren’t there.

Being the translator, I had to speak the loudest. Thursday night my throat was sore and Friday morning I couldn’t talk. I made a declaration that it was not from God, that the devil was trying to take away what I needed to reach those kids. By the time we got to the orphanage, my throat and my voice were fine.

I will never forget this week in Ventanilla. It was further confirmation from God that I should study Secondary Education instead of Elementary Education, but it was still amazing and I will carry those boys with me in my heart forever. I can't wait until I get a chance to go back.

New Year's Resolution

So, the writing every month thing kinda didn't work out. I said this before and, unfortunately, I have to say it again. I forgot I had a blog. If it wasn't for a friend asking me to update it, I probably wouldn't have remembered. But I think I will be writing more. It's vacation time now and we're not going anywhere so I'll have a lot of time at home and I am going to be doing things that might be worthy of a blog post.

So, I guess my New Year's resolution is to write on my blog more consistently. :)